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The 2015 Calder Cup Champion Lake Erie Monsters are now the Cleveland Monsters.  I don’t like it.  In a sport as superstitious as hockey, how do you change your name when there are players who probably haven’t changed their socks since winning the cup?

“Lake Erie” is a name the entire area can get behind.  Think of the Texas Rangers or the New England Patriots.  Sure, everyone is behind the Browns, the Cavaliers, and the Indians, because we are the greatest fans on the planet, but, changing from “Lake Erie” to “Cleveland” takes away some of that recognition.  The team goes from belonging to the North Coast, to another Cleveland team, largely supported by the suburbs.

Historically and cryptozoologically speaking, there is a Lake Erie monster.  Some may argue her existence.  Some may argue if she is a left over dinosaur or a giant, ancient sturgeon.  All arguing aside, Bessie is a part of our history, inspiring story tellers, sandwich makers, and brewers through the ages.

There is no Cleveland Monster.

Unless you count Art Modell.

So, without further ado, from the Home Office in Parma Hts., Ohio, here are the Top Ten Other Names the Lake Erie Monsters Were Considering:

Number 10: The Cleveland Steamers.  You thought it.  I thought it.  Best to just get it out of the way and move on.

Number 9: The Lake Erie Zebra Mussels.

Number 8: The Cleveland Free Stamps.

Number 7: The North Coast Avengers.

Number 6: The Cleveland Untouchables.  In honor of former City Safety Director Elliot Ness, who, besides inspiring a wonderful beer, came to Cleveland to solve the case of…

Number 5: The Cleveland Torso Killers.  Imagine the mascot!

Number 4: The Whiskey Island Bootleggers.

Number 3: The Cleveland Band Wagoniers.  Since they also changed the colors to wine and gold, despite winning a championship first.

Number 2: The Cleveland Colavitos.  If you’re going to tempt fate by changing the name after winning a championship, go all the way.

And Number 1: The Cleveland Plums.

I’m sure there are more.  Leave your suggestions in the comments below.  Feel free to comment, too!